And it’s so good that it was only the first half, not the whole time here. A few nights before I dreamed that I was back in Germany and I regretted bitterly that I returned. I remember me saying “No, I shouldn’t be here!” That’s exactly how I feel about it right now. There’s still more for me to do here. I simply can’t go home yet. Isn’t it weird? Everything now appears so huge, fateful, absolute. That’s because of the last few days, which were maybe the most fateful days in my life. And that’s just because I listened…
So now it may be a good time to rethink and let you know about the last two and a half months. The results of them:
1. I’ve become more open.
2. I stopped worrying about everything. She’ll be right.
3. I’m more independend, when it comes to official stuff (maybe because the people here make you feel that she’ll be right, nothing’s a problem) as well as when it comes to my way of thinking (I’m not so afraid of letting other people know my opinion of things).
4. I see things from a higher point of view, so to say. The beginnings of that I had in Germany already, but now I’m certain about that. I know a bit better what in life is really important and what isn’t.
5. I’ve become younger, so to say. I now know how important it really is to test yourself, to do things you normally don’t do, to challenge yourself and to do crazy, maybe frightening things. Refer to my first bungee jump. The second will come in some days.
6. I’ve maybe learned to enjoy life more. Because I now live more intense, I think. And so much depends on yourself – I mean to say: you really do decide what you enjoy, what you use in a positive way etc.
7. The world for me has shrinked in a certain way. Things that I dreamed of seem to be really possible, in a weird way. That’s due to my wonderful host mum. She’s made me believe in myself more, because she does.
7.5 I don’t try to be the strong, independend loner any more. I definitely can’t succeed in my life without help and support of others. And that’s no bad thing. I’ve been lonely in a way I haven’t realised.
Now that really is a lot, and it’s good to reflect about it. Well, after achieving so much, you may ask why I still don’t want to come home, and what I will do with the second half of my stay. I’ll tell you: If I came home now, I’m pretty sure that I would forget all this in a few weeks and go back into old habits and lose everything I’ve achieved. Maybe not everything, but almost. I’m afraid of that, and of coming back even after three more months and not being able to be the woman I am here. That’s why. From a very personal point of view.
So, let me tell you this, my dears: This certainly is the most important and intense and whatever time of my life so far. Outward Bound (r) is now on the second place. Sorry. I recommend travelling and staying in another country to everyone. If you have the chance to do something similar: Go for it! It expands your horizons. If you’re but able to do a little self-reflexion, though. There are still quite a lot of people who have been here for three months and now go home and about nothing has changed for them. Maybe just because they weren’t ready for a change. However. It’s your decision to make this the most crucial time of your life or not.
And although this may sound like some weird farewell, I’ll finish with this: Don’t forget: Shoot for the Moon, for if you miss, you will still be amongst the Stars!