As for my news today, it took me a long time to create this post. I’ve been to my second Christopher-Street-Day this year! This time not in Cologne, but Essen, which is, as far as I understood, the general CSD for the whole Ruhr area (although there is another one in Dortmund this month). I went with one of my best friends to celebrate our orientation and identity, as everybody else’s. And as last time, I took quite some time to get ready, listening to some of my favourite gay pride hymns. 😀
The hair colours I put on represent the pansexuality flag, pink and blue for female and male, and yellow for everything in between. (In case you don’t know, pansexuality is about seeing gender as a scale, not binary. After all, there’s intersex, asexuality, genderfluidity etc., and pansexuals are potentially attracted to all of them.)
Which brings me to my issue of today: CSD, as far as I know it is about visibility and acceptance. Then how come that I felt like an intruder amidst all the gays, lesbians, and trans people? As somebody in between, I felt fake, like I was pretending to be lesbian. It’s probably because we were regarded as such, people gave us (my friend and me) flyers for lesbian groups etc. Probably only a small fraction knew what my hair colours meant. There was nothing addressing pansexuality at all, or queerness in general, except for one stall of the local university’s queer group (not gay-and-lesbian group).
And that, to me, is a problem. Everybody knows about homosexuality. Where is the visibility of everything else? We need more visibility, so that everybody can just be comfortable with their own sexuality without thinking you had to choose a label. It’s pretty much the same for bisexuals, as far as I know – they often don’t feel excepted by neither the LGBT nor the heterossexuals.
The community is all about feeling connected and together, yet I feel that once you identify as gay or lesbian, there are so many connections, support groups, education – a room. Whereas as queer person there’s no community, no special room. Now don’t get me wrong – there are many happy queer youtubers and stuff like that. It’s just the local area that’s bothering me. Even in my local youth support organisation it’s all about gays or lesbians – nothing for ”queers”. I’d feel uncomfortable for being attracted to guys there, because I’d feel fake again.
But nevertheless was this CSD a beautiful event! It filled me with pride to walk through the city, grinning at people watching us bunch of unusual, glittering, gorgeous humans. We’re out and we’re pround, indeed! There was happiness all around, the sun was shining and everything felt beautiful. I liked it even more than the one in Cologne, more intimate and real, in a way. I’m sure to be back next year – maybe with a little alliance of pansexuals. 😉